if the school makes me wanna die and i do it, i still think that it means school and education is not beneficial to my existence if that happens
the body isn't supposed to wanna die i think -- that's why it has so many processes to keep it alive
even if it is my fault really because of my mental state or whatever like you said, i still think it was not beneficial to my life, which i don't think you did say
sometimes i wish they knew how much i really do hate existing
it's so annoying. plagued with work i naturally don't wanna do and driven by a feeling of hope for a better future if i do that comes at the cost of wanting to not have any future in the first place.
but complaining about self-induced suffering is silly.
please do not talk to me about this outside of kland.
especially if you're someone i talk to like every hour.
i hate talking to you about my feelings because you worry way too much and i don't want you doing that. stop hurting yourself for my sake, already. stop.
like a wheel within a wheel
never ending nor beginning
on an ever-spinning reel
like a snowball down a mountain
or a carnival balloon
like a carousel that's turning
running rings around the moon
like the circles that you find
in the windmills of your mind
umm I mean lol
your reasoning kind of sucks because you're equating an implementation of the structure "school and education" with that structure
what I'm saying is that naturally, humans aren't good at running education programs that "work" for everyone, but that's the fault of the instance or system you're in and not a problem with the idea of "education"
In which case I'm saying that you're trying to hide what you're really thinking behind a pseudo-philosophical rant, right?
"mental state," "processes to keep it alive"
None of that really matters here. "I hate my school and am consumed by anxiety brought on by education to the point of suicidal ideation."
"school isn't beneficial to my life."
Yeah. I think it's just justification of something that someone shouldn't have even said to you.
Education anxiety is common and not really your fault. The death-seekiness over it is considered abnormal but that's just what you get now.
You should think about what it means to experience only pleasure, though, and why it seems to be "unfair" that you don't get that. You glossed over the part where one is "good" and one is "bad" for being unnecessary, I think.
Regarding the part that relates to me, I have some things to say. Wanting to help you through things is not hurting myself. I am only hurting myself in ways that I cause. I think you overestimate how much I worry. I care for you, but as much as someone in my position should. Hiding how you feel while also showing the negativity that results from it makes me worry more than me knowing what is wrong would. In the end, I just want to help. I feel bad I cannot return the favor. I cannot force you to be open about it but I want you to know that if you needed my support, I am here.
As for the rest of this thread, lol.
ur both cute
but my mood stabilized so i don't really care typing stuff
thanks for being cute
ppl trying to help is annoying because i feel bad because i don't think it actually does help oops i mean thanks!